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Thursday, July 5, 2007

Hample Stepping Down To Spend More Time With Her Money

(HARRISBURG) - State System of Higher Education Chancellor Judy Hample said her recent decision to resign her post is rooted in a desire to spend more time spending money.

"Here I've been making approximately $3,466,101,012 a year, yet I haven't been taking the time to spend it," Hample said. "Well, that's about to change."

"I also wanted to give my underlings plenty of time to plan my going-away party," the outgoing chancellor said. "It will most likely take the form of a lavish gala at which I will make [system board president] Ken Jarin wear a bondage harness and allow me to ride him around the room."

In her spare time, Hample plans to maintain her contract work as Smiley, the Hatfield Quality Meats mascot.