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Friday, July 6, 2007

State Hookers Among Employees Facing Furlough

(HARRISBURG) - Hookers on the commonwealth's payroll said they plan to work overtime and turn as many tricks as possible this weekend in anticipation of a partial government shutdown.

The Rendell administration has declared the prostitutes to be non-essential state personnel, meaning some 200 ladies of the night could be laid off come Monday morning if a budget agreement is not reached.

"But in the meantime, we're going to be some busy beavers," said Black Velvet, director of the Bureau of Pimps and Hookers within the Department of Genital Services. "As the clock continues ticking, our girls will be doing some serious dicking."

"Ironically, they'll be getting rid of us when we're needed most," Velvet said. "Lawmakers are our best customers. Especially that Philadelphia delegation. Man, are they ever a horny bunch."

However, some reform-minded activists said the prostitutes might be at least partially to blame for the budget impasse.

"Maybe the lawmakers will actually get some work done if the hookers take some time off," surmised Russ Diamond, a well-known Harrisburg-area curmudgeon.