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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

House Panel Moves To Ban Voting While High

(HARRISBURG) - A panel of reform-minded lawmakers voted today to outlaw the smoking of marijuana during voting sessions of the state House of Representatives, a practice known as "dope voting."

The move is seen as a bold one for a chamber known for late-night sessions that are often characterized by voracious pot smoking and the devouring of scores of pizzas.

"I do my best work when I'm high," said Rep. Josh Shapiro of Montgomery County, who's also on the Speaker's Commission on Legislative Reform. "But when we took a look at some of the crazy stuff we passed during some of those pot binge, dude. It was pretty messed up."

"Half the time, the pages of the bills are bound in the wrong order because the clerks are stoned to bejesus, too," said Rep. Tom Tangretti of Westmoreland County. "But it doesn't make a difference, since they usually pass anyways. Hell, remember the pay raise?"

The discussion about marijuana use caused House Majority Leader Bill DeWeese of Greene County to reflect on the tenure of the chamber's previous leader. "That John Perzel might have been a blockhead, but man, could he roll a joint. Then there was that time he crafted a bong out of an Evian bottle, a voting switch and some duct tape."