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Sunday, April 8, 2007

Easter Bunny Latest Casualty Of Hershey Restructuring

(CAMP HILL) - Hershey Company Chairman and CEO Rick Lenny personally fired the Easter Bunny last night, immediately following the rabbit's final shift of the season at the Capital City Mall.

"We made the tough decision to cut Mr. Bunny as we hop forward with our comprehensive strategic agenda focused on increasing our marketplace leadership and developing a global footprint for our iconic brands," Lenny said in a prepared statement.

"I feel blindsided," said the Bunny. "It's already hard enough to make ends meet when you only work one month out of the year."

Lenny's statement also said the Bunny would receive "a generous severance package," consisting of one bag of carrots for each month of service.

The Bunny seemed less than impressed with the deal. "Needless to say, there will be no eggs for that douchebag this year," the rabbit said.

A Hershey Company spokesman declined to comment on rumors that a Mexican Easter Bunny would be brought in as a replacement.

Several business analysts said they expect the Easter Bunny will find gainful employment soon with another candymaker, with much speculation focusing on Cadbury Schweppes.