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Thursday, January 4, 2007

Lancaster and York Counties May Start East Shore-West Shore Rivalry

(WRIGHTSVILLE) - Reportedly jealous of the age-old rivalry between upriver counties Cumberland and Dauphin, officials from Lancaster and York counties have begun starting rumors and hurling "soft core" insults, in hopes of stirring up similar tensions between themselves.

"We figure it's a good way to steer attention away from all of this hotel and convention center stuff," said Lancaster County commissioner Pete Shaub.

"By making the Susquehanna River out to be a much bigger dividing line that it actually is, we can turn the people of our counties against each other so as to take their minds off of crap like Lauxmont Farms," said York County President Commissioner Lori Mitrick.

Mitrick and her colleagues took the first major step in the new-found battle, passing a resolution this past week declaring Lancaster County to be the "White Shore."

"Sonofabitch," said Lancaster County Commissioner Dick Shellenberger upon hearing the news. "We so hoped to beat them to that. Oh well, maybe we'll focus our witty retort on the fact that the women in that county tend to have really, really big hair."