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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Midstate Cities To Apply For "Collectively Screwed" Status

(UNDATED) - Faced with mounting financial problems that no one's really sure how to deal with, the mayors of four cities across central and eastern Pennsylvania have collectively decided to file an application with the Commonwealth for Act 94 status, also known as "Collectively Screwed" status.

If granted, the designation would allow mayors and city council members from Harrisburg, Lancaster, Reading and York to collectively bitch in public about the plights of their cities.

"We'll be able to call news conferences where we'll all gather at the podium and just shake our heads," said York Mayor John Brenner.

"Hell, we might all go out to the Pep Grill every now and then and grovel about how much things really suck," said Harrisburg Mayor Stephen Reed. "I'll be sure to walk the other three mayors to their cars afterward, though, to make sure they don't get mugged."