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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Letters To D. Editor

Love the site. So, are you guys going to do something about the giveaway of Riverfront park and those hideous Capital Blue Cross signs?

We were going to take on this story -- that is, until we were approached by Capital Blue Cross with $50,000 in hush money. That made us realize all of the tremendous things that this fabulous non-profit is doing in our community each and every day.

I'm worried that cutbacks in the newspaper industry are affecting the Gazelle. Are they? What can you say to put my mind at ease?

I'm afraid that we did recently have to eliminate several positions on our editorial staff. They include Chief Hairstylist, Assistant Fluffer and Executive Vice President of Bullshit. We hope that these layoffs will be only temporary, since each of the positions -- especially the fluffer -- is important to our operation.

Is it just me, or does hearing the words "federal stimulus" make one thing of his penis?

Yes, every goddamn time. And tragically, that's only going to make the economy worse.