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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Colonoscopy Reveals Small Village In Santorum's Rectum

(Washington, D.C.) - A doctor who recently performed a colonoscopy on former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Wherever He's Pretending To Live Now, says the politician has a small village of indigenous people living in his ass.

The individuals appear to be a group of die-hard supporters who are "staunchly in denial" that Santorum lost his Senate seat, the former lawmaker's physician, Dr. Clint Jackhammer, said.

"Otherwise, once I figured out which end was which, the procedure went quite seamlessly," Jackhammer said. "He [Santorum] had that trademark grimace on his face the whole time, but he didn't complain too much. In fact, at one point, he asked me to do one particular maneuver over and over again. That was a little awkward."

"There is also some damage left up there from the reaming he took from Bob Casey last November," Jackhammer said. "But it ought to heal -- unless he attempts to run for office again."