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Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Bush Stages Surprise Tent Revival Before Lancaster Chamber Crowd

(LANCASTER) - With arms flailing and a Bible in-hand, President Bush today turned a planned appearance before some 400 business representatives in Lancaster County into a full-blown tent revival.

“I believe in the Lord! I buh-LIEVE,” the president proclaimed, running around the stage frantically with sweat dripping from his brow. “He will deliver us into salvation!”

A host of spiritual selections played by the Hempfield Area High School band served as a musical backdrop.

The message came as a bit of a surprise to members of the Lancaster Chamber of Commerce and Industry and the others in attendance, who were expecting to hear a status report on issues related to the federal budget and the economy.

"I would have liked to hear about the children's health insurance bill he vetoed, but this was pretty cool, too," said Judy Shaver, an audience member.

"JEE-sus Christ will come and saaave your shitty little town," Mr. Bush blurted, "if you simply ask him to do so."

At one point, Mr. Bush invited attendees to come forward, at which time he delivered a firm tap to the head to Chamber President Tom Baldrige, who fell backwards into the arms of two Secret Service agents.