Ahmadinejad To Succeed Willey As PHEAA Chief

(HARRISBURG) - The board of the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance Agency today tapped Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to succeed Dick Willey as president and CEO.

PHEAA Board Chairman Rep. William Adolph, R-Delaware, conceded the pool of applicants has been "thin so far." But, he added, "anything's bound to be an improvement."

Gov. Ed Rendell applauded the selection of Ahmadinejad, saying he was just glad to see that "petty and cruel dictator [Dick] Willey exit the scene."

Letters To D. Editor

Dude, I grew up in Selinsgrove and went to college at F&M in Lancaster. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen! You had me laughing so hard today I could barely breathe. Especially like the Katherine Baker Knoll and Rendell digs, he was my commencement speaker and I'll never forgive him for that.
Thanks again, N.L.
You're a good man, N.L., for staying for the speech. Many college students who have been subjected to Rendell commencement speeches have dropped out minutes into them, opting to forego their diplomas rather than sit through the whole thing.

• no idea who you are, but keep up the good work
• my friends and I refer to you as the "Harrisburg Onion"....
• which is intended as a supreme compliment
excellent satirical/comedy writing...which we really enjoy

C.H.
Placement of the bullet points in the email above may seem random and innocent enough at first glance, but I'm convinced they constitute one thing: Secret code from the terrorists. Run, everyone, run. Grab the Cheez Whiz and satellite phone and head to your special hiding places.

Brilliant. Seriously. I'm completely disappointed that I wasn't aware of this site until today. By far the funniest joint in the series of tubes carrying York Springs and Paxtang datelines.
B.D.
I'm disappointed that you weren't aware of this site, either. I don't follow your last sentence, but given the fact it includes the words "joint" and "tubes," I'll just assume you're high.

How can I go about getting a guide to state park sex spots?
J.B.
Meet me at sundown tonight at the men's restrooms near Fuller Lake in Pine Grove Furnace State Park. I'll be the fat guy in the second stall from the right with no pants on and a Scott Paterno mask. Yodel the Penn State fight song while shirtless, and I'll slide a copy of the guide out to you. Just tap my foot with yours if you have any questions.

New Guide Outlines Hot State Park Sex Spots

(HARRISBURG) - Citing growing interest in the subject since the airport bathroom arrest of Idaho Senator Larry Craig, the Pennsylvania Department of Conservation and Natural Resources today unveiled the "State Park Guide For Anonymous Sex Encounters."

The pocket-sized book features glossy pages to prevent sticking and contains suggested rendezvous locations as well as tips on gestures and signals to use to initiate a sexual act.

"There are many state park spots where we want to maintain a family-friendly atmosphere," said DCNR Secretary Michael DiBerardinis. "This guide is about all those other places where our park rangers look the other way."

"Whether it's for hiking, camping, swimming or anonymous sex, we want Pennsylvanians to know that our state parks are open for business," DiBerardinis said.