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Sunday, March 30, 2008

Letters To D. Editor

I'm hoping there have been no posts to your site because you are vacationing somewhere warm. If not and your mind has been erased, well that's a bummer. I miss your biting humor!

Are you terminally ill? If not, I need my monthly fix of outrageous Harrisburg satire. Otherwise, so sorry!

I feel you deserve an explanation in the form of the truth, so here is what caused my hiatus:
One day, in much the same fashion as a lunar eclipse, a cacophony of shitty news and happenings simply got to me. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama were kissing unbelievable amounts of ass in our region, the General Assembly was holding caucuses every day just so they could play that little paper football game we all played in study hall, and I lost a lot of money betting on four 16-over-1 upsets that never formulated in the NCAA college basketball tournament. Consequently, I decided to do what any reasonable person would have done: I shoved a fork in my ear. Well, that sucker went in far enough to do some pretty serious damage. So now, my ear rings constantly, I have a heavy speech impediment, and I piss my pants every time the doorbell rings. But the part of my brain that lets me write this silly publication is still intact, so the show must and will go on. Thank you for your patience in my lengthy absence.

D. Editor