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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Popular "Chia Pot" Recalled From Store Shelves

(UNDATED) - With just days left in the holiday shopping season, retailers across central Pennsylvania have pulled the marijuana-on-ceramic Chia Pot due to a voluntary recall by the manufacturer.

California-based Joseph Enterprises Inc. says the recall came after several consumers complained that the product attracted their loser friends who would bring over all of their bootlegged Phish CDs and camp out on the living room sofa while devouring all salty snack foods to be found in the house. The product has been especially popular on and around college campuses.

Individuals who already bought a Chia Pot can return it for a full $300 refund, according to company spokesman Herb Gittlemore.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Santa Claus Arrested For DUI At Midstate Airport

(MIDDLETOWN) - Santa Claus was arrested for DUI Saturday night while practicing various maneuvers in the skies over south central Pennsylvania.

State Police said they received numerous complaints from residents about Claus flying "erratically" and dangerously close to several homes in the Middletown area.

Joanne Delancey, who lives in Highspire, reported hearing such a clatter that she sprang from her bed to see what was the matter. “What to my wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. Back and forth in the sky they thrashed, I knew in a moment that Santa was trashed.”

Police took Claus into custody shortly after he landed on the airport's runway.

"He was very visibly intoxicated,” said Trooper Charles Mugglebeam. “His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. In fact, his behavior was so erratic that I laughed when I saw him – in spite of myself."

Claus was charged with DUI, public drunkenness and possession of marijuana with intent to deliver. “He had a one-pound brick of pot in his suit and a four-foot water bong riding shotgun in his sleigh,” said Mugglebeam.

A spokesman for Claus said the elf-in-chief regularly practices takeoffs and landings at HIA because the facility is used by "few, if any, airplanes."

As for the arrest, the spokesman sounded a skeptical tone. "This is just another example of police targeting someone because he's black."